Sir Nigel's Journey…

I was…
thinking about how grateful I am
feeling like the luckiest man
wondering what it was you first noticed
embracing the way you remained focused

I was…
trying to visualise you and I creating a tribe
remembering all the things I no longer hide
sensing the closeness we now share
living a life once without a care

I was…
starting something I didn’t fully comprehend
turning this into something I want to keep till the end
touching the depth of your soul
engaging in a love that would take a hold

I was…
thanking God for this beautiful feeling
realising how my life now has meaning
basking in the sun of God’s glory
wondering if you would marry me

I found this whilst looking around for something completely different. I wrote this at work in 2002.

I imagine your touch sometimes
Cupping your hands in my face
Forehead kisses
Letting me know that love is here to stay
I imagine thanking God every day
                                       every time I pray
I sometimes imagine ferry rides on Sundays
                    jazz on Fridays
         dinner on Tuesdays
Dancing on Saturdays
Followed by in-depth discussions all day
                                          every day
I imagine trying to plait your hair
     with disastrous results
and yet you encourage me to continue
continue trying
I often imagine sensual kisses
That leave me exhausted and full
Knowing that the real task still lies ahead
I imagine
                 cuddling
                                touching
                                              embracing
kissing
                   the depths of your soul
I imagine hearing your voice
           and instantly reading your mind
The look on your face
A smile I couldn’t replace
             even if I tried
And if I lost it, my soul would surely die
And my family would ask why
Imagine if our relationship
                   was a perpetual courtship
making my heart skip
      each time I heard your name
and your essence was ingrained
in my brain
I imagine you kissing me
Feeling like you’re undressing me
Leaving me completely naked
Love like this? So glad I waited
I sometimes imagine
                      summer holidays
spending money that we saved
holding your hand would be the epitome
                              of tranquility
and all I ever wanted
          was for you to stand next to me
I sometimes imagine….

To live a fulfilled life
Is to love
To find love
Taste it
And finally embrace it.
For without it
Nothing else matters

(i)
It seems…

…. Death has a way of deleting vital information. Funerals seem to paint a breathe-taking portrait of reality.
…. Paranoia is a disease mostly common when one is at the top of their game. Everyone becomes a potential enemy. Truth is the cure.

…Babylon forgets we and concentrates on I.

(ii)
Not now
A time will soon come
Where we meet Jesus, God’s son
Not now, not today.

(iii)
Limelight

Lost souls rely on this.
Lack of love
from within

Short-term gain
Results in long-term pain

Entertainment nowadays
is based on this

Why are we so lost?

(iv)
Who are we?

Black or African Origin?
Bitches or queens?
The colour of deception
….it seems
We are and have been royalty since conception
Why must we continue to fight this truth?

(v)
Rule # 1

For one
To truly experience
The gift of life
one must seek love.
To find love is
the meaning of
life.

I am remembering the wide-open spaces
Rivers that meandered
Dams that held livelihood
A trail of children walking from school
The late afternoon
Sunset upon us
Another day
A different kind of way

I am remembering the straight narrow roads
Leading me to places
Leading me to the next settlement
I want to preserve this moment
Settlements that are slightly airbrushed
Airbrushed by the capitalist ways of the west
People are still willing to share
To share the little they own
And vegetables are still home grown
(Sign)
I want to go home

I am remembering simplicity
Free flowing like poetry
Land that stretched endlessly
Tobacco fields that didn’t end
Farm after farm after farm
Producing food for a nation
And I knew the meaning of patience

Meanwhile
Life took another turn
So I now reside with them in their world
Yet my heart longs for the homeland
I miss the red dirt
The sunset over the horizon
I miss my people
Laughter from within
And the glow of African skin

And as you lie in my arms
I reminisce
I think about all this
Remembering
Replaying the journey between Harare and Bulawayo
The things I see
The things I remember
Things I yearn to see again
You lie in my arms
And somehow I am remembering
Remembering because lying in my arms feels like home

When we first met
You made me wet
Salivating
Masturbating
Ideas
with no fear
Dinner dates
Coffee and cake
You see I was drawn to you
I was aching to make love to you
Came so close
I had you all worked up & moist
Then I just disappeared
My soul even wept
Many years have since passed
But I know our bond will always last
In your arms I will eventually die
When that times comes, I don’t want you to cry
Instead
remember my hands discovering crevices and protrusions
I explored
searching for a translucent kind of solution
Solutions to the very meaning of life
Thank you for being the closest thing to a wife
An ode to my homeland – Africa
Thank you for giving me life
A reason for overcoming my daily strife
I’ll see you soon
Love as always

Poet

All those times my soul almost stopped and died
Resistance signified my will to survive
The negativity that surrounds me
Daily
Almost infecting everything I believe in
Contaminating my reason for breathing
Yet I still win
The strength always lies within

What if…?
Against all odds
Surviving because of my God
My faith
Why do you think I feel so safe?
What if I win?
Win against the system
That downsizes my capabilities
Drowning my soul in negativity
As if failure was designed specifically for me
Why surround myself with cynical thoughts?
When I should remember what I’ve been taught
That ‘to believe is to achieve’
History has shown
That I am never alone
In my struggles
So I ask
What if I win?

Will my persistence inspire?
Inspire the desire
To win regardless
As I remember how I got this started
I saw another way
I bowed before the Lord to pray
I prayed for the truth
I prayed for the elusive light
When I awoke in the morrow
I was blessed with insight
Now I no longer accept defeat
I walk the street
As if I own it
I walk with certainty
As I gather doses of prosperity
Small amounts that give me hope
Hope for a brighter tomorrow
And no matter what I do
Or all the struggles I’ve been through
I search within
And ask myself this question:
What if I win?

The closest thing to God’s love is the love from a woman 
The love that existed way before birth 
One of the greatest loves here on earth 
The concern in her words 
Prescribing health remedies you never heard 
Completely unconditional 
Reciprocal 
The warmth in her heart 
As she multi-tasks without falling apart 
Decisions made exclusively 
Strength, compassion and humility 
An embrace that still brings worldly serenity 
And the touch 
And the fuss 
(I miss my Mum so much) 
Small gestures of thoughtfulness 
A pinch of vulnerability mixed with finesse 
Subtlety 
And a healthy dosage of sensitivity 
Please beware 
She only fusses because she cares 
She remembers your birthday 
And what you had for dinner yesterday 
For Mum and Angie I thank the Lord above 
I’m just trying to describe a woman’s love 

I wrote this in 2003